my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
