oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
