Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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