OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You pole danced in your parka.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
