just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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