She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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