At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
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I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
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why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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