I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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