Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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