You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
