It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I party with great urgency now.
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