I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize