She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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