On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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