Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
