The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
