You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
