He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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