Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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