you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
