your room smells of hookers.
And success
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
