this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
