Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
