he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
