Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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