well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
