Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
