He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
