God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
