You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
