Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
