he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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