you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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