my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
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this beer tastes like vomit already
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
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He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.