M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
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Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
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Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The UTI came back with a vengeance.