Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
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He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
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This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.