I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things