I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?