I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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