You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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