need another drink. this is the easiest way
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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