I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
