Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
