Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
