I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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