you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pooping to opera.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
