Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
