The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
