u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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