Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i believe in u and ur pee
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
