the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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