i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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