my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
