i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
