you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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