remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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