i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
