if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
