I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
