The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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