his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
