Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
