im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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