Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
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Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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